“I think the part of the reason why we hold on something so tight is because we fear something so great won’t happen twice.”
It’s been a long time. A long time since those hands curled into my fingers. Holding them tight, you had promised me your life. The twinkle in your eyes almost got me. The truth in your voice almost lured me. And at that moment, I knew I had fallen deeply in love with you. Do you remember the night when we laid down in the grass lying next to each other, looking at the twinkling stars above? You told me about all your fears and I told you about all my dreams. You had opened up your heart to me, and I had unfolded my trust in you. Looking deep into my eyes, reflecting the faith I had inbuilt, you came near and kissed me. That was the most meaningful kiss I ever experienced. It was as if all of the illuminating lights and all of the happiness in the world was drawn to our aura, to our lips. That beautiful night still flutters butterflies in my stomach. Remember how we could just sit and talk-about love, our lives, our desires, dreams, fears, our childhood, our favorite music, our insecurities, ambitions and being euphoric about how much we loved the little drops on rain that fell on our cheeks? Yes I do. I still remember the rainy days when we both curled up together and enjoyed the drizzles with the cup of hot coffee in your hand and Nicholas Spark’s Notebook in mine. How patiently you read aloud every word of the novel to me and I sat there listening, leaning next to you. We were so much in love. Weren’t we?
But then we broke up. I remember the day when we did. It was a tragedy in disguise. I still remember how the tears couldn’t stop falling from my eyes. We fought before too. In fact we always fought. And we always found a way to come back to each other no matter what. But that last time we didn’t. Our pinky promises changed to usual brawls. I made you cry and you made me regret loving you. We gave up and maybe that’s how our beautiful love story ended.
As I write this, all I can recall are the good times. Yes, parting away from you did hurt. In fact, it killed me within. You were the only person whom I trusted to be with me for a life-time. I saw my complete life in your eyes, which broke into tiny million pieces. The days ended in epiphany of you not being around and the nights crawled by digging myself deep into the wet pillows. I missed your voice. The voice that woke me up every morning. The voice that hummed Coldplay’s Magic initiating Martin’s voice. Do you remember how I asked you to sing it for me? I still do. I missed your touch. The touch which soothed my soul, the warm embrace that erased all the pain. I missed you.
Yes, I made mistakes. And so did you. But I guess we sank into the sea of ego so deeply that we forgot to feel sorry to each other. I am sorry. Sorry for breaking your expectations, for not fighting back for this relationship and above all, for hurting you. But don’t I deserve a sorry too? As much as I hurt you, you did too. You killed me with those promises that never saw the light. You killed me when you said it was over. You killed me when I waited for you but you never came back.
Today, you have moved on in your life. And so have I. We both have achieved individually and we both are happy. But I am writing this to let you know that no matter what, I will always love you and you’d always be a decorated and cherished moment in my life. Some memories are immortal, they say. True. Because I have stored all memories of us being together in a box that would never fade. They will remain priceless. You will eventually fall in love with someone else and I’d give my heart to some other guy. But deep inside, I’d always have a soft corner for you. I’d always have warmth for you. And I’d always want nothing but happiness for you. If I’d hear your name or if the rain droplets fall on my cheeks, you would be the first person who’d come to my mind. Maybe I’d still be loving you. Maybe the feelings might never fade. And if after several years, we meet in any corner of the world someday, I’d give you the same smile and the same warm hug and look at you the very same way I did for the first time.