Feeling helpless.

-My fears-
/fɪə/noun/an unpleasant emotion of threat caused by the nothing, no one, for no purpose, has no meaning.

My fears are very arbitrary. They can be defined as more of what I perceive about myself and less about my inner emotions. And there are times when I just wish I never knew what is feels to not have a feeling called, ‘fear’. Sigh, human emotions are worst and at a peak when you don’t want it, are burried inside huge caves of numbness when you want them the most. Funny. Isn’t it? And right now, I want all the vibgyors and rainbows of feelings, sentiments, senses, response, passion, intuition, ideas and impression. Everything. Except this human emotion called fear. You see, this forlorn human emotion makes me dream about things which has never occurred to me yet and there are nightmares when I worry about it the most. Either way, it kills a little part of me everytime. It is a never ending process and this, this process of rebuttal and refusal has made me even more vulnerable. I’m not able to decide the fine line between truth and false. There’s a waft of smog facing me hazing off all my senses about the present. And the waft has polluted my senses so strongly that even the syrup called empathy cannot cure it. I dream of myself running and panting as fear chases me. I find myself hiding beneath the mud and peeking out if it has left. Only to come out screaming and shouting, trying myself to let myself go as my fear grips my body hard and forces upon me.
And as I try to escape, tears stream running down my face and I feel myself helpless again.